We have a SPECIAL Birthday today...

Happy Birthday to You...

                        Happy Birthday to You...

Happy Birthday Dear....

ISAAC!!!!

 

 

Happy Birthday to You!

 

Dear Sweet Son,

 

Today you turn three years old.  You're becoming such a big boy!  This past year has held many changes for you and this year is going to hold even more.  Soon you will become an Audirsch and have a Mommy and Daddy and a bunch of siblings eager to love you and help you. Although the first three years of your life are full of questions, God knows those answers and He provided for you to be at a wonderful home where you were held and SEEN and loved that first year.  Your second year of life holds a little more mystery, but God knows that too and He promises that He is with you and He is a Father to the fatherless and a defender of the orphan.  In just a few weeks we will come for you and your life will change drastically again.  Our greatest hope for you is that you will come to know and love Jesus most of all. I pray that you are celebrated today. 

 

In the words of your godly grandmother:

 

Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, may you find Jesus near every day of the year.  A happy birthday to you, a happy birthday to you and the BEST year you've ever had!

 

We love you son!!!

 

Mommy and Daddy <3



Finding Gratitude...

Almost Thanksgiving, tick tock, tick tock time passes by. How can it be that I've lived almost a year with out my mom. I remember.

She loved the Holidays... I mean really loved them. Today I was in a store with my girls that was decorated exceedingly early for Christmas. I became excited with my kids, we talked about decor and lights and meals. But tonight, in the quiet, I ache. I miss her. I talked to my mom nearly everyday. I told her about all the little mundane details that no one else cares about and they mattered to her. She delighted in each of the kids and the little things they had said and done each day. 

I would tell her about the two little lizards Natalie and I almost sat on in the chairs, in the cold early morning while stopping at our friend's for a break from our morning jog. They were all curled up together as chilled as could be. Thankfully I saw them before I sat down, I picked them up and incubated them in my hands, hot from jogging. They were so still we thought one of them was dead until it started squirming. Then it ran away. She would've cared about that story. 

And then how I was putting a roast and veggies in the crock pot and decided to call some friends on a whim and invite them over for dinner that night. She would've cared about that. 

And this, she would want to see this silliness

And how Caleb has had a burst of words lately and can say difficult names like "Lily" but still does the sign for "please" and can't say the word. Then later she'd call me and tell me about a commercial she had seen or a show she had watched that had just the solution for his speech issue. BECAUSE SHE CARED. 

I miss her with all of my heart. We will meet again someday and I know that now she is ALIVE!, more alive than she ever was on this planet. When we meet again I plan to just sit and hold her hand and be there with her, maybe much like the last few days I had with her. So precious was the gift of those days God arranged for us last year. 

So as we approach Thanksgiving, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for a mom who loved Jesus and taught me to do the same. I'm grateful for a mom who chose a spouse who became my dad. And I'm eternally grateful for our living hope, Who makes all things new, and gives me the knowledge that Mom and I will worship Him together in eternity. 

Dreams and Grief

Who knew missing someone would take so much energy.  

I crashed today.  

I had a vivid dream this morning where I sat with my mom.  We held hands. We did that a lot in the days we had with her before she died. I told her "I know I'm dreaming, so I'm not going to look at you because if I do you'll go away, so let's just sit awhile." So we did and suddenly there were innumerable stars everywhere like I've never seen and they were alive and flowing like flocks of birds fly. It was the first dream I've had where I saw her and felt her present with me. 

I've prayed for that presence and now maybe I know why God has said no until now, because it messed me up. 

I woke up and cried all morning. I listened to "Homesick" by Mercy Me and "Blessings" by Laura Story and "Amazing Grace, My Chains are Gone" by Chris Tomlin which was played at her funeral and cried some more. At one point my Natalie came and held my hand during "Homesick", it's a sweet moment I will treasure. 

Grief is exhausting.

After the "homesick" song I said to my Natalie, well, we are still here so God must have something for us to do here. Otherwise we wouldn't be here anymore.  Lord, help us to live a life worthy of the calling we have received.

Right now, we are waiting... And apparently waiting is energizing, at least according to Isaiah 40:31.  Yes, Lord. We will wait on you, and trust you for whatever comes from your hand. 

They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength

They shall mount up on wings like eagles

They shall run and not be weary

They shall walk and not faint.

Voicemail From Heaven

So how am I doing?

I'm living in a fog. I just can't think. We are truly living one day at a time in our RV, home, but not home. Waking up and doing life but I am not myself.

The words that come to mind are subdued, brain fogged, reflective, and distracted.

I thought leaving Washington was hard.

I thought having a miscarriage was hard. 

I thought having food poisoning the day we were moving was hard.

I thought the difficulties with selling our house were hard. 

And then my mom died. 

I didn't appreciate her enough when she was here.  I talked to her almost daily but did I really listen? 

God gave me a gift today of two forgotten voicemails. I got to hear my mom sing Happy Birthday and encourage me with scripture again.  

"Hi Stacy, this is Mom. It's your Mother calling. I have a scripture for you to remember 'They that wait upon The Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles. They will walk and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.' So teach me Lord to wait."

Hear the message from my Mom here

God speaks. Wait, Stacy. Be encouraged. And He used my mom's voice to do it. 

My words from the Memorial for my Mom

Mom was always quoting scripture, these were two of her favorites that came to mind this morning. 

This is the day that The Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. 

They that wait upon The Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. 

Today we bury my mom.  She loved Jesus with all of her heart. She prayed for everyone she knew.  She believed that nothing was impossible with God.  She saw friends healed of tumors, she saw headaches and backaches disappear.  And now she has seen her own healing completed.  

Over and over growing up we would have a need and mom would pray and the need would be met. There were times we would come home to groceries on our porch, money in the mailbox, or the very item we had been praying about just sitting there.  I remember one time my mom wanted a new bible and for weeks she waited to see how God would provide it.  I don't remember how she got it now, but the point is that I watched her wait expectantly.

Shortly after she was saved at a Billy Graham crusade she believed The Lord was telling her to go to Alaska.  She packed her bags and went to Seatac.  She walked up to the counter and asked if anyone had paid for a ticket for her. Praying, she waited all day.  Later that evening she came home thinking perhaps her timing was off, but she never disbelieved God.

In 1984 God called her to go to YWAM for a Crossroads Discipleship Training school in Hawaii so we packed up and went! The trip was life changing for my brother and me. In the Philippines, Hong Kong, China, and Korea we saw raw poverty, orphans, Christians pulling together to serve and to pray. It was in the Philippines where I held a two year old baby the size of an infant that my heart for orphan care was born.  But we learned through that trip that nothing was impossible. We saw God provide financially over and over during that period of months in such a sweet way that built our faith in Christ. 

To say Mom was special would be a gross understatement.  When Mom read Gods word she believed it.  It wasn't a theological study for her or an academic practice, it was truth. Face value. She has a gift of faith and of everything Mom had, that's what I want, her faith, her childlike belief that God will do what His word says.  And a double portion please, God, give me her faith.