Oh Darlin' Don't You Ever Grow Up

It seems like last week that we started this homeschool journey. I was convinced I was going to ruin my Emily. I remember so clearly the day Doug brought her home from Kindergarten, she was crying again.  He matter-of-factly told me, "I unenrolled her from school.  We are going to homeschool." Now, we had talked about homeschooling someday, when life was normal. (At that point I still expected life to get "normal")  Panicked, I stammered, but, but, but... I'm pregnant, we are living with your parents, I, I, I can't do this now. Doug looked at me, smiled and said, "Stacy, it's Kindergarten, shapes, numbers, letters, colors.  I'm pretty sure you know the material." And so began our homeschool journey.

Now here she is all grown up, mostly. 

I'm happy to say she knows all her shapes and colors, letters and numbers.  

She graduated.  SHE DID IT!

 

This whole homeschool Mom package comes with all sorts of crazy emotions on Graduation Day.  Not only am I incredibly proud of my daughter, I'm also incredibly proud of me. 

I DID IT!

 

I successfully homeschooled a child for her entire school career. She has written a novel and continues to love and pursue writing.  She has accumulated dozens of college credits while finishing high school. She reads everything and thinks deeply. 

And then there's the part of me that is far less confident.  Did I do enough? Did I teach her all she needs to know? What did I miss? And why couldn't I help her not struggle with math?

I am so thankful for GRACE! And for a God who fills in the gaps.  And the sweet fruit that has grown from the seeds of perseverance, peace, hope, and love.

Most importantly, she loves.  She loves Jesus.  She loves her parents. She loves her siblings.  She loves others.  Seeing her grow in her relationships is the most important and rewarding part of this journey.  When I see those relationships growing I am exceedingly thankful and proud. 

Emily has so many gifts and talents I cannot wait to see how God uses them.  She is a gift and a blessing to us. I love our chats, our coffee dates, our shopping sprees, and the time we have to spend together. 

Spread your wings and fly, Girlie.  Good things are in store!

Well, That Was Weird!

I'm not sure what happened, I see nothing in the background stats or anything I can decipher... I guess Blogger just knew that all my faithful followers wanted to read my post about moving from Richard Bong State Park in Wisconsin to Zion, IL. 

Strange, this internet!

I had updated and was trying to post my "Support" page.  I'll just post it here.  I'm sorry for the confusion.



So, there's this baby... she's stolen my heart. We have started the process of ADOPTION!

 

 

As I’m sure you know, it is very expensive to adopt and we are researching and applying for grants and other financial help. If you would like to give financially, Grace Church of Kingwood has a special adoption fund to which you may contribute for us.  

Mail check to:

Grace Church of Kingwood, 807 Russell Palmer Rd., Kingwood, TX 77339  attn:  Dave Kinison

Don't write our names on the memo line of the check.  

Either leave the memo line blank and attach a note with the designation to the adoption fund for Audirsch.  Or write "adoption special fund" on the memo line.

We approximate our expenses in this adoption to total around $25000. The various fees are outlined on this webpage, http://ccaifamily.org/AdoptExpenses/WCP-AdoptionExpense.aspx

 

To date we have paid $2800 to CCAI and approximately $500 for other costs so far. We hope to raise $10,000.00

Thank you again for your love, support and prayers, YOU are already a part of helping this sweet girlie have a family.

Many Blessings,

Stacy and Doug

When Mother's Day Just is.... FABULOUS! (Or What a Difference a Year Makes)

To truly appreciate this post you'll need to start HERE reading about my Mother's Day last year.

If you have had a sucky Mother's Day STOP...
Go read my post from last year.
DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER.
Seriously, you have been warned. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Honestly, I feared Mother's Day this year.  After my mom graduated to Heaven on December 19, 2013, I felt that Mother's Day could not be anything other than a big blubbering mess this year and just wanted to hide from it.

But God....

God allowed us to get our preliminary approval from China for adopting our sweet China Baby on Friday, just before Mother's Day weekend.

God allowed us to put an offer on a house on Saturday of Mother's Day weekend.

God spoke to me in worship in a very profound and intimate way I have not experienced since Washington, showing me His Glory and His plan for the new earth after He returns in a beautiful and touching picture in my heart and mind.

And my Dad... sent flowers and chocolates for me.

 

And my husband... my adventurous, fun, crazy, thoughtful, man bought me this...

And this... A NEW LAPTOP!  I have so missed having a REAL computer to use. I compose so much better on a keyboard (first world problem, seriously) and can ahem, see so much better when the font is at least 12 point!

(I know, my photography skills are astounding.)

So, I post this not to brag, but to share the blessing of what I thought this year was going to be compared to what it was.  Life has so many ups and downs.  I feel like Mother's Day 2013 and Mother's Day 2014 are a living picture for me of Philippians 4:12-13.

"I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.

 I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

 

 

Happy Birthday to my Awesome Dad!

  

Today is the birthday of a man who has become my Dad. 

I don't use that term lightly. It's a term that's earned through sacrifice. 

Romans 13:7 tells us to pay honor to whom honor is due. 

When I was a baby the man that was my mother's husband abandoned us as he had done several times before.  My mother had no idea when she married him that he was still married and had been several times before. 

My mom raised us in the 1970s and 80s alone when raising children alone was an anomaly.  I've written much in the past few months about our life growing up but for this post suffice it to say it was a faith-filled upbringing. 

In 1989 my mother married Ron Kahns, she took his name, his family, his home and he in turn took hers.  Their hearts were melded and I gained a Dad that day. It would be years before I fully appreciated the gift I had been given.  

Ron has stood by us through thick and thin. He's offered advice when asked, helped with some home improvement projects around our house ( when we had one!) and he's loved and supported us. Now we are kind of leaning on each other. 

So happy day that you were born Dad! I'm so blessed that God out you in our family!  

(P.s. Doug says I'm trying to turn you into a blubbering fool!.., but I mean every word)

Dreams and Grief

Who knew missing someone would take so much energy.  

I crashed today.  

I had a vivid dream this morning where I sat with my mom.  We held hands. We did that a lot in the days we had with her before she died. I told her "I know I'm dreaming, so I'm not going to look at you because if I do you'll go away, so let's just sit awhile." So we did and suddenly there were innumerable stars everywhere like I've never seen and they were alive and flowing like flocks of birds fly. It was the first dream I've had where I saw her and felt her present with me. 

I've prayed for that presence and now maybe I know why God has said no until now, because it messed me up. 

I woke up and cried all morning. I listened to "Homesick" by Mercy Me and "Blessings" by Laura Story and "Amazing Grace, My Chains are Gone" by Chris Tomlin which was played at her funeral and cried some more. At one point my Natalie came and held my hand during "Homesick", it's a sweet moment I will treasure. 

Grief is exhausting.

After the "homesick" song I said to my Natalie, well, we are still here so God must have something for us to do here. Otherwise we wouldn't be here anymore.  Lord, help us to live a life worthy of the calling we have received.

Right now, we are waiting... And apparently waiting is energizing, at least according to Isaiah 40:31.  Yes, Lord. We will wait on you, and trust you for whatever comes from your hand. 

They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength

They shall mount up on wings like eagles

They shall run and not be weary

They shall walk and not faint.

God's Waiting Room

We are living in such a strange place right now.  We have a circle of people who love us asking frequently, "So, what's the plan now? And are you glad to be back? And what's next, where are you going to live."

I've jokingly said, I guess God wants us to be flaky! 

But it is not a natural or easy place to walk.  While we are doing well and loving each other it does feel like we are in a waiting room.  

You know that feeling? You know you will be called... Eventually. You know you will get to speak with the right people and get the information you need... Eventually. And so you wait.  

We could leave. There's not a lack of resources, time, money, or ideas.  BUT GOD has told us to wait.  I mean really, He even sent me a voicemail from Heaven a few weeks ago!  

Apparently I needed a reminder again today after calling several campgrounds experiencing rejection after rejection due to our family size.  (P.S. We never had this much trouble in any other part of the country, we are really thrown by it here, if you can't tell). 

While geocaching today, in the very first cache, the finders directly before us wrote these two scriptures on the log. They are both scriptures my mother quoted frequently. 

Isaiah 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” 

Now check this out! God is AMAZING. 

STACY, GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD!

Isaiah 40:31 but they who WAIT for the Lord shall renew their strength;they shall mount up with wings like eagles;they shall run and not be weary;they shall walk and not faint. 

And so wait, I shall, and not grow weary.

Voicemail From Heaven

So how am I doing?

I'm living in a fog. I just can't think. We are truly living one day at a time in our RV, home, but not home. Waking up and doing life but I am not myself.

The words that come to mind are subdued, brain fogged, reflective, and distracted.

I thought leaving Washington was hard.

I thought having a miscarriage was hard. 

I thought having food poisoning the day we were moving was hard.

I thought the difficulties with selling our house were hard. 

And then my mom died. 

I didn't appreciate her enough when she was here.  I talked to her almost daily but did I really listen? 

God gave me a gift today of two forgotten voicemails. I got to hear my mom sing Happy Birthday and encourage me with scripture again.  

"Hi Stacy, this is Mom. It's your Mother calling. I have a scripture for you to remember 'They that wait upon The Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles. They will walk and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.' So teach me Lord to wait."

Hear the message from my Mom here

God speaks. Wait, Stacy. Be encouraged. And He used my mom's voice to do it.