Finding Gratitude...

Almost Thanksgiving, tick tock, tick tock time passes by. How can it be that I've lived almost a year with out my mom. I remember.

She loved the Holidays... I mean really loved them. Today I was in a store with my girls that was decorated exceedingly early for Christmas. I became excited with my kids, we talked about decor and lights and meals. But tonight, in the quiet, I ache. I miss her. I talked to my mom nearly everyday. I told her about all the little mundane details that no one else cares about and they mattered to her. She delighted in each of the kids and the little things they had said and done each day. 

I would tell her about the two little lizards Natalie and I almost sat on in the chairs, in the cold early morning while stopping at our friend's for a break from our morning jog. They were all curled up together as chilled as could be. Thankfully I saw them before I sat down, I picked them up and incubated them in my hands, hot from jogging. They were so still we thought one of them was dead until it started squirming. Then it ran away. She would've cared about that story. 

And then how I was putting a roast and veggies in the crock pot and decided to call some friends on a whim and invite them over for dinner that night. She would've cared about that. 

And this, she would want to see this silliness

And how Caleb has had a burst of words lately and can say difficult names like "Lily" but still does the sign for "please" and can't say the word. Then later she'd call me and tell me about a commercial she had seen or a show she had watched that had just the solution for his speech issue. BECAUSE SHE CARED. 

I miss her with all of my heart. We will meet again someday and I know that now she is ALIVE!, more alive than she ever was on this planet. When we meet again I plan to just sit and hold her hand and be there with her, maybe much like the last few days I had with her. So precious was the gift of those days God arranged for us last year. 

So as we approach Thanksgiving, I'm grateful. I'm grateful for a mom who loved Jesus and taught me to do the same. I'm grateful for a mom who chose a spouse who became my dad. And I'm eternally grateful for our living hope, Who makes all things new, and gives me the knowledge that Mom and I will worship Him together in eternity.