Thursday, July 24, 2014

Mom's Birthday

This Lady was born to this Earth on this Day

Seventy one years ago.

I suspect she has a new birthday now, but I'm still kind of attached to this day.  After all, I celebrated it every year of my life until now.  So I think I'll still choose to celebrate this day for this wonderful woman who was with me, talking to me nearly every day for my entire life.  OK, there were some days when I bombed her calls, some days I didn't have answers to the questions she would ask and some days that were just too busy.  But mostly, we talked. 

I remember when my mom turned thirty seven, my brother, my friend Erika, and I made HAPPY BIRTHDAY signs on poster board and put them up on our front and back windows announcing my (single) mother was "37 TODAY!" I'm sure she really appreciated that.

I'm trying to remember other birthdays but mostly I just remember snapshots.  In recent years I know she enjoyed going out to dinner with friends.  She was usually in Washington in July because Arizona was just too hot for her this time of year. 

Happy Birthday Mom.  If you were here of course I would call you and I would have sent you flowers, probably a day or two late, but the bouquet would have included Star Lilies. 

 I love you. I miss you.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

What do we know? NOTHING!

Mom's birthday is July 24th.  She would have turned 71.  It's been seven months since my Mom's graduation (as I've decided to call it) to Heaven.

The other morning a friend asked on her FB page "What do I do with a Gift of Faith?"  I immediately thought of my dear mother and shared my post from mom's Memorial service with her.  Reminded of my mom, I re-read some of the blog posts from last December.  I came upon this statement penned by yours truly just a few days before the storm hit.

"What's after Phoenix?" you ask.  We don't know. But we do know that the next several weeks will hold a beautiful celebration of Our Wonderful Savior's birth with my parents. God is good, all the time, even in the dark when we don't see the way."

Do you see that? "God is good, all the time, even in the dark when we don't see the way."

God knew what was coming when I so naively wrote those fateful words.  "we do know that...."


James 4:13-15  Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”

Lesson learned... sort of. I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I feel a little mocked by my blog post.

It's been a little dark the past few months.  

But we are attempting to lean on The Lord day by day.  Trusting, listening, waiting, being content are all skills that have grown in each of us over the last several months.

It is not easy, or for the faint of heart. 

We made an offer, had inspections, and put money down on a house in Kingwood, TX.  We are supposed to close August 8.  It will be nice to have a little elbow room (and I do mean a little, especially in the back yard!) 

I've changed my prayers lately to less of "God please do this and God please do that" to "Our Father in Heaven, hallowed be your Name, Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven..." It's a tentative place to be this not knowing and trying to trust in the dark.  But it's where we are. 

We are choosing gratefulness and joy day by day, rather moment by moment as we wait.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Probably a little too honest...

So, I'm cleaning out my email inbox because it's hotter than hell outside and the inside of the RV is clean and well, I have to clean something.  Apparently early in the day on 12/19, the day my mother died, I emailed this to myself from Amazon. 
I can't remember now if I wanted it for myself or wanted to get it for Mom. 
Today has been such an emotional day and then I run across this.  Why? why today? Today when I finally took a check for earnest money to our realtor for a house that is a Plan B for us. I could sit and list all the things it's not but that really doesn't profit me much.  It's sufficient even if the yard is small. It's in a good location, it's a good size, and has enough bedrooms and bathrooms and maybe it's like an arranged marriage, in time we will grow to love it by an act of our will.  I don't know. 

I miss her so much I just want to scream.  I want her to call and ask me if we've found a house yet, everyday... and drive me crazy.  I want her to ask me a thousand questions about this house we did find and tell me all the reasons I should be thankful for it.  And I want her to tell me God has a plan and it will work out and just to borrow a little bit of her faith... or presumption... or whatever it was that caused her to believe.  I want to have the rose colored glasses she did and always look on the bright side even annoyingly finding the silver lining in everything. 

Oh Mom, I miss you.  Can you call me just one more time?