So, I'm cleaning out my email inbox because it's hotter than hell outside and the inside of the RV is clean and well, I have to clean something. Apparently early in the day on 12/19, the day my mother died, I emailed this to myself from Amazon.
I can't remember now if I wanted it for myself or wanted to get it for Mom.
Today has been such an emotional day and then I run across this. Why? why today? Today when I finally took a check for earnest money to our realtor for a house that is a Plan B for us. I could sit and list all the things it's not but that really doesn't profit me much. It's sufficient even if the yard is small. It's in a good location, it's a good size, and has enough bedrooms and bathrooms and maybe it's like an arranged marriage, in time we will grow to love it by an act of our will. I don't know.
I miss her so much I just want to scream. I want her to call and ask me if we've found a house yet, everyday... and drive me crazy. I want her to ask me a thousand questions about this house we did find and tell me all the reasons I should be thankful for it. And I want her to tell me God has a plan and it will work out and just to borrow a little bit of her faith... or presumption... or whatever it was that caused her to believe. I want to have the rose colored glasses she did and always look on the bright side even annoyingly finding the silver lining in everything.
Oh Mom, I miss you. Can you call me just one more time?
I can SO relate to you now. My daddy has now been gone 2.5 years and I can barely talk about him because I just cry too quickly. Some parents just leave craters in our hearts I suppose. Anxious for the day we see them again. I will be sure to introduce you to Daddy.
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