The FIVE Magical Questions

 

At this point in our adoption process our agency informed us that they will request updates from the orphanages in which our children reside and we can ask five specific questions.  No pressure, just pick the right questions.

Five.

Five questions of a million I have.  

Did anyone gaze into their newborn eyes with wonder or delight?

Did their Mama hold them close?  

Did she cry when it was apparent she would not be keeping her child?

Did she make this decision or was it made for her?

How can I step in this gaping hole?  Can I give them what they need?  Am I what they need?

How long was it before they stopped crying for their Mama?  

What is their favorite comfort? Does anyone comfort them?

What makes them happy or sad or afraid?

What makes their eyes light up?  

How big are they?

How much have they grown since our last update?

What do they eat?

What medicines do they take?

Who takes care of them daily?

Do they sleep hot?

Do they play with other children?  

How many words do they have?

Besides words, how do they communicate?

I could write questions all night long....

And then I found out  no one answers the questions you ask anyway.  They just tell you what they’re going to tell you and that’s it.  

So here’s what I know. I know GOD loves these kids. I know we will love these kids. I know He’s been with them all along.  I know He is a Father to the fatherless, I experienced that firsthand for the first nineteen years of my life. (I did have an awesome Mom though!)

We will pour love and prayer and delight into them.  We will partner with Christ as He does His work of redemption in their lives.

We will trust Him each step of the way, even with unanswered questions and impossible circumstances.  He’s teaching us that He kind of likes the impossible.

Oh Lord, prepare their little hearts as only You can do.  Amen.

We should be traveling sometime in the next 9-12 weeks.  There is an end in sight.  We may never have answers for them now, but we will discover the answer to all these questions and more as we journey together with these precious souls God has knit into our family.  He's so very good.

Dreams and Grief

Who knew missing someone would take so much energy.  

I crashed today.  

I had a vivid dream this morning where I sat with my mom.  We held hands. We did that a lot in the days we had with her before she died. I told her "I know I'm dreaming, so I'm not going to look at you because if I do you'll go away, so let's just sit awhile." So we did and suddenly there were innumerable stars everywhere like I've never seen and they were alive and flowing like flocks of birds fly. It was the first dream I've had where I saw her and felt her present with me. 

I've prayed for that presence and now maybe I know why God has said no until now, because it messed me up. 

I woke up and cried all morning. I listened to "Homesick" by Mercy Me and "Blessings" by Laura Story and "Amazing Grace, My Chains are Gone" by Chris Tomlin which was played at her funeral and cried some more. At one point my Natalie came and held my hand during "Homesick", it's a sweet moment I will treasure. 

Grief is exhausting.

After the "homesick" song I said to my Natalie, well, we are still here so God must have something for us to do here. Otherwise we wouldn't be here anymore.  Lord, help us to live a life worthy of the calling we have received.

Right now, we are waiting... And apparently waiting is energizing, at least according to Isaiah 40:31.  Yes, Lord. We will wait on you, and trust you for whatever comes from your hand. 

They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength

They shall mount up on wings like eagles

They shall run and not be weary

They shall walk and not faint.

God's Waiting Room

We are living in such a strange place right now.  We have a circle of people who love us asking frequently, "So, what's the plan now? And are you glad to be back? And what's next, where are you going to live."

I've jokingly said, I guess God wants us to be flaky! 

But it is not a natural or easy place to walk.  While we are doing well and loving each other it does feel like we are in a waiting room.  

You know that feeling? You know you will be called... Eventually. You know you will get to speak with the right people and get the information you need... Eventually. And so you wait.  

We could leave. There's not a lack of resources, time, money, or ideas.  BUT GOD has told us to wait.  I mean really, He even sent me a voicemail from Heaven a few weeks ago!  

Apparently I needed a reminder again today after calling several campgrounds experiencing rejection after rejection due to our family size.  (P.S. We never had this much trouble in any other part of the country, we are really thrown by it here, if you can't tell). 

While geocaching today, in the very first cache, the finders directly before us wrote these two scriptures on the log. They are both scriptures my mother quoted frequently. 

Isaiah 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” 

Now check this out! God is AMAZING. 

STACY, GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD!

Isaiah 40:31 but they who WAIT for the Lord shall renew their strength;they shall mount up with wings like eagles;they shall run and not be weary;they shall walk and not faint. 

And so wait, I shall, and not grow weary.