I suspect she has a new birthday now, but I'm still kind of attached to this day. After all, I celebrated it every year of my life until now. So I think I'll still choose to celebrate this day for this wonderful woman who was with me, talking to me nearly every day for my entire life. OK, there were some days when I bombed her calls, some days I didn't have answers to the questions she would ask and some days that were just too busy. But mostly, we talked.
I remember when my mom turned thirty seven, my brother, my friend Erika, and I made HAPPY BIRTHDAY signs on poster board and put them up on our front and back windows announcing my (single) mother was "37 TODAY!" I'm sure she really appreciated that.
I'm trying to remember other birthdays but mostly I just remember snapshots. In recent years I know she enjoyed going out to dinner with friends. She was usually in Washington in July because Arizona was just too hot for her this time of year.
Happy Birthday Mom. If you were here of course I would call you and I would have sent you flowers, probably a day or two late, but the bouquet would have included Star Lilies.
Mom's birthday is July 24th. She would have turned 71. It's been seven months since my Mom's graduation (as I've decided to call it) to Heaven.
The other morning a friend asked on her FB page "What do I do with a Gift of Faith?" I immediately thought of my dear mother and shared my post from mom's Memorial service with her. Reminded of my mom, I re-read some of the blog posts from last December. I came upon this statement penned by yours truly just a few days before the storm hit.
"What's after Phoenix?" you ask. We don't know. But we do know that the next several weeks will hold a beautiful celebration of Our Wonderful Savior's birth with my parents. God is good, all the time, even in the dark when we don't see the way."
Do you see that? "God is good, all the time, even in the dark when we don't see the way."
God knew what was coming when I so naively wrote those fateful words. "we do know that...."
NOTHING! NOTHING! THAT'S WHAT WE KNOW! NOT A GOSH DARN THING!
James 4:13-15 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.”Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”
Lesson learned... sort of. I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I feel a little mocked by my blog post.
It's been a little dark the past few months.
But we are attempting to lean on The Lord day by day. Trusting, listening, waiting, being content are all skills that have grown in each of us over the last several months.
It is not easy, or for the faint of heart.
We made an offer, had inspections, and put money down on a house in Kingwood, TX. We are supposed to close August 8. It will be nice to have a little elbow room (and I do mean a little, especially in the back yard!)
I've changed my prayers lately to less of "God please do this and God please do that" to "Our Father in Heaven, hallowed be your Name, Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven..." It's a tentative place to be this not knowing and trying to trust in the dark. But it's where we are.
We are choosing gratefulness and joy day by day, rather moment by moment as we wait.
So, I'm cleaning out my email inbox because it's hotter than hell outside and the inside of the RV is clean and well, I have to clean something. Apparently early in the day on 12/19, the day my mother died, I emailed this to myself from Amazon.
I can't remember now if I wanted it for myself or wanted to get it for Mom.
Today has been such an emotional day and then I run across this. Why? why today? Today when I finally took a check for earnest money to our realtor for a house that is a Plan B for us. I could sit and list all the things it's not but that really doesn't profit me much. It's sufficient even if the yard is small. It's in a good location, it's a good size, and has enough bedrooms and bathrooms and maybe it's like an arranged marriage, in time we will grow to love it by an act of our will. I don't know.
I miss her so much I just want to scream. I want her to call and ask me if we've found a house yet, everyday... and drive me crazy. I want her to ask me a thousand questions about this house we did find and tell me all the reasons I should be thankful for it. And I want her to tell me God has a plan and it will work out and just to borrow a little bit of her faith... or presumption... or whatever it was that caused her to believe. I want to have the rose colored glasses she did and always look on the bright side even annoyingly finding the silver lining in everything.
Oh Mom, I miss you. Can you call me just one more time?
Currently, "Not Yes" seems to be an answer we are getting frequently.
Our first "Not Yes" was in Washington while we were in the car with the real estate agent driving away from the property on which we were about to make an offer. Doug's phone and my phone rang at the same time. On my line was our Houston real estate agent informing us that the sale on our house had fallen through and on Doug's line was his boss back pedaling, insisting he come back to Houston in January after he had, on a previous call, told him he was sure it would be "no big deal" if we relocated to Washington.
We've had many "Not Yeses" since then.
The Legends House, perfect square footage, good location, and an IRS lien.
A very nice rental in a desirable neighborhood... not available until July.
A five bedroom, three bedroom, 4000 square foot house, in our price range... doesn't allow children, desires a retired couple. (Who does that?!)
House after house after house with offers made just before we arrived, sellers deciding not to sell, and so many other circumstances that prevented us from acquiring the house.
I have been praying for a home to just settle in.
And I feel like God is truly challenging me with this:
This world is not my home. I am not SUPPOSED TO feel settled here! Like a soldier on the battlefield I can have "base" but my "base" is not my home.
But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.
Philippians 3:20
And this, so this. Philippians 4:12-13
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
We are still currently looking for a home to rent or buy if it's right. But are content to wait on the LORD. (OK, maybe content is a bit of a faith filled statement, but we are trying)
(Here's our specs in case you're wondering 5 bdrm, 3 bath, 3500sq ft minimum, with room for kids to play outside $350K or less or $2500/month)
And we are not sure if this is a NOT YES or not...
We now have more opportunity to trust the Lord since Doug's company was sold a few weeks ago and he gets to present his department to the bosses of the new company, "So they can know all that they will need to know." Nice. We've been down this road before and despite reassurances, we don't feel very reassured.
It's nice to sing this song, it's another thing entirely to live it.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine
My husband assured me today that God hasn't forgotten us. I burst into tears. Truly, I did. He then relayed a conversation that he had this morning that is so GOD. No one will ever convince me it's a coincidence.
Doug had filled out a prayer request and took it to the little box on the wall, there was a guy standing there. This conversation ensued:
Doug: "Are you a prayer guy?"
Usher: "No, I'm an usher" Pause... "But I can pray, I guess."
Doug: "Well, I'm a training manager and my company was just bought out by a larger company and my job is a little uncertain right now"
Usher: Chuckling, "Well, now I know why God sent you to me. You see, I'm a trainer. A few weeks ago, my company was bought out and my job was uncertain. I ended up getting offered another position in the new company."
WHAT?! THE NOT-A-PRAYER-GUY STANDING AT THE EXACT SPOT MY (never-fills-out prayer-requests) HUSBAND WALKED TO!
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
P.S.I had literally just finished writing this post and handing it to my husband to proofread for me when my six year old Sarah started shouting, "COME OUTSIDE AND SEE THE RAINBOW!" over and over. We all went and were inspired by the sign of God's promise. Truly, He has not forgotten us.
It seems like last week that we started this homeschool journey. I was convinced I was going to ruin my Emily. I remember so clearly the day Doug brought her home from Kindergarten, she was crying again. He matter-of-factly told me, "I unenrolled her from school. We are going to homeschool." Now, we had talked about homeschooling someday, when life was normal. (At that point I still expected life to get "normal") Panicked, I stammered, but, but, but... I'm pregnant, we are living with your parents, I, I, I can't do this now. Doug looked at me, smiled and said, "Stacy, it's Kindergarten, shapes, numbers, letters, colors. I'm pretty sure you know the material." And so began our homeschool journey.
Now here she is all grown up, mostly.
I'm happy to say she knows all her shapes and colors, letters and numbers.
She graduated. SHE DID IT!
This whole homeschool Mom package comes with all sorts of crazy emotions on Graduation Day. Not only am I incredibly proud of my daughter, I'm also incredibly proud of me.
I DID IT!
I successfully homeschooled a child for her entire school career. She has written a novel and continues to love and pursue writing. She has accumulated dozens of college credits while finishing high school. She reads everything and thinks deeply.
And then there's the part of me that is far less confident. Did I do enough? Did I teach her all she needs to know? What did I miss? And why couldn't I help her not struggle with math?
I am so thankful for GRACE! And for a God who fills in the gaps. And the sweet fruit that has grown from the seeds of perseverance, peace, hope, and love.
Most importantly, she loves. She loves Jesus. She loves her parents. She loves her siblings. She loves others. Seeing her grow in her relationships is the most important and rewarding part of this journey. When I see those relationships growing I am exceedingly thankful and proud.
Emily has so many gifts and talents I cannot wait to see how God uses them. She is a gift and a blessing to us. I love our chats, our coffee dates, our shopping sprees, and the time we have to spend together.
Spread your wings and fly, Girlie. Good things are in store!
I'm not sure what happened, I see nothing in the background stats or anything I can decipher... I guess Blogger just knew that all my faithful followers wanted to read my post about moving from Richard Bong State Park in Wisconsin to Zion, IL.
Strange, this internet!
I had updated and was trying to post my "Support" page. I'll just post it here. I'm sorry for the confusion.
So, there's this baby... she's stolen my heart. We have started the process of ADOPTION!
As I’m sure you know, it is very expensive to adopt and we are researching and applying for grants and other financial help. If you would like to give financially, Grace Church of Kingwood has a special adoption fund to which you may contribute for us.
Mail check to:
Grace Church of Kingwood, 807 Russell Palmer Rd., Kingwood, TX 77339 attn: Dave Kinison
Don't write our names on the memo line of the check.
Either leave the memo line blank and attach a note with the designation to the adoption fund for Audirsch. Or write "adoption special fund" on the memo line.
Honestly, I feared Mother's Day this year. After my mom graduated to Heaven on December 19, 2013, I felt that Mother's Day could not be anything other than a big blubbering mess this year and just wanted to hide from it.
But God....
God allowed us to get our preliminary approval from China for adopting our sweet China Baby on Friday, just before Mother's Day weekend.
God allowed us to put an offer on a house on Saturday of Mother's Day weekend.
God spoke to me in worship in a very profound and intimate way I have not experienced since Washington, showing me His Glory and His plan for the new earth after He returns in a beautiful and touching picture in my heart and mind.
And my Dad... sent flowers and chocolates for me.
And my husband... my adventurous, fun, crazy, thoughtful, man bought me this...
And this... A NEW LAPTOP! I have so missed having a REAL computer to use. I compose so much better on a keyboard (first world problem, seriously) and can ahem, see so much better when the font is at least 12 point!
(I know, my photography skills are astounding.)
So, I post this not to brag, but to share the blessing of what I thought this year was going to be compared to what it was. Life has so many ups and downs. I feel like Mother's Day 2013 and Mother's Day 2014 are a living picture for me of Philippians 4:12-13.
"I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me."
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